How is everybody doing. Im working on a thesis project for school and wanted some feedback on my storyboard so far. I would some ideas for establishing the scene in the beginning. The story is about an homeless person who was a famous tap dancing walking down a alley picking up bottle caps until he comes up to a train station and starts to tap dance after putting the bottle caps on at the bottom of his feet and pressing play on his old tape play. I will be adding sound tomorrow and adding some better shots. but just wanted some feedback to put me in the right direction. What im going for is to show him picking up bottle caps and when he picks up the bottle caps the scene changes to a graphic comic book type of look. i want to show visual clues of his past history of being a famous tap dancing in the back and be noticeable so when he tapdances the viewers understands why. I want the visual clues of his background history to be in a dada type style. and maybe so cool patterns on the alley wall and on any other set props i think of to add to the scene. While he is tap dance i would like to have a sound affect of people cheering for him and when he is finish there is nobody because its in his mind. because he tap dances for a invisible crowd after becoming homeless. really a sad story. yet uplifting to see how a person love what he does and will continue even though its not under the best conditions. any help is appreciate. thanks. http://www.jackandjillus.com/animaticV1_1.mov
Also i have another problem of trying to come up with a cinematic solution of showing that my character is imaging people cheering for him while he is tap dancing. Maybe they can be element i can have in the story that i can use to show that effect. like in sin city when marv was narrating that maybe he is just imaging what going on because of the pills he is taking. thanks
feedback on storyboard
By andersonjayson | Saturday, October 1, 2005 at 6:22pm
#1
feedback on storyboard
Well, I'm a writer, not a storyboard artist. I can make some comments about your story, but I don't want to do your thesis for you.
First, I'd do flashbacks in b/w, realtime in color. Flashbacks clean and shiny, realtime dirty.
People don't drink a drink, put the bottlecap back on and toss it. They open the drink, toss the cap (hopefully in a trashcan) and drink the drink, then toss the bottle. Caps are small and go to the bottom. I'd have him kick trashbags until he hears the sound, cut them open with a pocket knife, and have a few caps and liquid pour onto the ground.
No stereo. He's broke. No tape, no player, no batteries. He hums or plays harmonica or mumbles or scats.
He walks in a subway. He flashes back: there's a happy crowd, dancing and clapping while he taps. They're throwing coin and bills into his hat. Then it's dark, there's a guy sleeping on the bench, and a light shorting out. He kicks a bag and walks on.
He walks by a rundown theater. He flashes back, it's bright and clean, people are coming out laughing, girls on guys' arms, all dolled up, and his poster is "Now Appearing"... then it's dark and dingy again as he walks by, posters torn, trash against the building on the ground. He kicks a bag, hears the caps, and cuts them out of the bottom of the bag.
He walks into an alley and pulls off his shoes. He flashes for a minute into a pair of beautiful two-tone shoes, then back to his beat up shoes with holes in the soles. He takes the caps and pounds them into the soles.
He takes a couple of shaky steps, starts humming and tapping. A dog walks by, looks at him, wags its tail and walks off. We pull out of the alley into the dingy street with a couple of people dragging by. We can still hear his humming and tapping, then only his tapping, then a final, echoing tap as the shot fades.
man. thanks alot. you really tied up the loose ends for sir. i really appreciate the help. i will be uploading so clean storyboards in the morning for you to check out. i really appreciate the help again. thanks.Can you please explain the problems that i had in the story and how you came to your solutions for my story so i can train my mind to think better about story. thanks ago sir. i truly appreciate your help.
First, I thought of the b/w club sequence at the beginning of "Triplets of Bellville." Then, I thought that he needs to have moments of flashbacks, and not just one "then" and "now." Then, I tried to do it as a sequence of events, a progression of his past successful career and a progression of his current effort to secure bottle caps. Ending it with him dancing for no one in an alley seemed like a sad ending like you wanted.
I should add that the music in the "then" sequences should be jazzy and the music for the "now" sequences should be bluesy.
thanks again. i truly appreciate the help. we put up the updates later tonight.
http://www.saykuus.com/animaticV3_1.mov
http://www.saykuus.com/animaticV2_1.mov (older one before recent one)
update on board. will make clearly ones tonight. These are some updates based off what my teacher spoke to me about. This is the feedback from her today based on what im showing yall today. so be on the look out for updates
1.establishing shot
2.character taps bottle cap on train rail
3.walks down alley( sees items that reminds him of the old days and clues of his background of being a famous tap dancer
4.Find place to sit down and put bottle caps on the bottom of shoot
5.put caps on
6.flash back to tap dance.
Hey everybody. This is a recent update to my story. http://www.saykuus.com/Low3danimV2.mov It's my 3d previsualization animatic.So basically my character is walking pass a train station and taps a bottle cap on the roll in shot with the hand. Then he walks down the alley and sits down. In that shot he is putting bottle caps at the bottom of his shoe. He looks at his shoe and then goes into a flashback. He tap dances in the flashback. He takes the bottles caps off in the shot of him sitting down and walks away further in the alley till it blacks out. I was having so issues with the ending. my teacher suggested that i end the tap dance scene with him taking a bow and when he raises his head from the bow he's in the present world in the alley. and he takes off the bottle caps and then walks thru the alley.What im going for is to end on a sad note. I want to convey that this homeless guy was a successful tap dancer and now he only left with bottle caps for tap shoes with no home, no fancy car, no big time theatre. i will show that contrast of him being successful in the tap dance scene. i want it to be surrealistic while he tap dances. So you can see a timeline of him being succesful to him being unsuccessful. like the money, cars, big theatre, women booze drugs in the style of the michael jackson video "leave me alone". If you haven't see it you can download it here http://www.saykuus.com/mike.mpg
The problem is that the style of my piece like this photo. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg I have the reference and a mock up of somewhat how i want the look to be.The mock is a attempt to marry the two styles together in the tap dance sequence. my teacher suggested that i have the images of his past in black and white and have the rest in that tone with still that charcoal feel. But also i will have those elements animated of the big cars and orchestras and tap shoes and etc through out the tap dance sequence. But at the same time i dont want it to take away from the character's performance as well. So any brainstorming ideas would be helpful.So here are the references for my style when the you first see the character in the reaworld, which is the alley. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg
This is the mock up which is trying to marry the two style of the michael jackson and the charcoal feel. http://www.saykuus.com/Pstill.jpg
Also my chairmen of my department suggested that make it rain while he is walking down the alley in the last rain. With lightening and thundering. To really make it worse for this guy. Also i was talking to a friend of mine and wanted to know how yall fell about narration. but i dont want the type of narration that tells the story but one that tells what the character is thing like I think in the movie "taxi" with Robert Deniro. I love that type of narration.I will be upload so dancesteps that i recorded a friend doing with my character hitting key poses in the sequence this weekend. so be on the lookout for that and also updates on the animatic and 3danimatic. Thanks for yall time. talk to yall soon.
Hey everybody. This is a recent update to my story. http://www.saykuus.com/Low3danimV2.mov It's my 3d previsualization animatic.So basically my character is walking pass a train station and taps a bottle cap on the roll in shot with the hand. Then he walks down the alley and sits down. In that shot he is putting bottle caps at the bottom of his shoe. He looks at his shoe and then goes into a flashback. He tap dances in the flashback. He takes the bottles caps off in the shot of him sitting down and walks away further in the alley till it blacks out. I was having so issues with the ending. my teacher suggested that i end the tap dance scene with him taking a bow and when he raises his head from the bow he's in the present world in the alley. and he takes off the bottle caps and then walks thru the alley.What im going for is to end on a sad note. I want to convey that this homeless guy was a successful tap dancer and now he only left with bottle caps for tap shoes with no home, no fancy car, no big time theatre. i will show that contrast of him being successful in the tap dance scene. i want it to be surrealistic while he tap dances. So you can see a timeline of him being succesful to him being unsuccessful. like the money, cars, big theatre, women booze drugs in the style of the michael jackson video "leave me alone". If you haven't see it you can download it here http://www.saykuus.com/mike.mpg
The problem is that the style of my piece like this photo. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg I have the reference and a mock up of somewhat how i want the look to be.The mock is a attempt to marry the two styles together in the tap dance sequence. my teacher suggested that i have the images of his past in black and white and have the rest in that tone with still that charcoal feel. But also i will have those elements animated of the big cars and orchestras and tap shoes and etc through out the tap dance sequence. But at the same time i dont want it to take away from the character's performance as well. So any brainstorming ideas would be helpful.So here are the references for my style when the you first see the character in the reaworld, which is the alley. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg
This is the mock up which is trying to marry the two style of the michael jackson and the charcoal feel. http://www.saykuus.com/Pstill.jpg
Also my chairmen of my department suggested that make it rain while he is walking down the alley in the last rain. With lightening and thundering. To really make it worse for this guy. Also i was talking to a friend of mine and wanted to know how yall fell about narration. but i dont want the type of narration that tells the story but one that tells what the character is thing like I think in the movie "taxi" with Robert Deniro. I love that type of narration.I will be upload so dancesteps that i recorded a friend doing with my character hitting key poses in the sequence this weekend. so be on the lookout for that and also updates on the animatic and 3danimatic. Thanks for yall time. talk to yall soon.
Hey everybody. This is a recent update to my story. http://www.saykuus.com/Low3danimV2.mov It's my 3d previsualization animatic.So basically my character is walking pass a train station and taps a bottle cap on the roll in shot with the hand. Then he walks down the alley and sits down. In that shot he is putting bottle caps at the bottom of his shoe. He looks at his shoe and then goes into a flashback. He tap dances in the flashback. He takes the bottles caps off in the shot of him sitting down and walks away further in the alley till it blacks out. I was having so issues with the ending. my teacher suggested that i end the tap dance scene with him taking a bow and when he raises his head from the bow he's in the present world in the alley. and he takes off the bottle caps and then walks thru the alley.What im going for is to end on a sad note. I want to convey that this homeless guy was a successful tap dancer and now he only left with bottle caps for tap shoes with no home, no fancy car, no big time theatre. i will show that contrast of him being successful in the tap dance scene. i want it to be surrealistic while he tap dances. So you can see a timeline of him being succesful to him being unsuccessful. like the money, cars, big theatre, women booze drugs in the style of the michael jackson video "leave me alone". If you haven't see it you can download it here http://www.saykuus.com/mike.mpg
The problem is that the style of my piece like this photo. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg I have the reference and a mock up of somewhat how i want the look to be.The mock is a attempt to marry the two styles together in the tap dance sequence. my teacher suggested that i have the images of his past in black and white and have the rest in that tone with still that charcoal feel. But also i will have those elements animated of the big cars and orchestras and tap shoes and etc through out the tap dance sequence. But at the same time i dont want it to take away from the character's performance as well. So any brainstorming ideas would be helpful.So here are the references for my style when the you first see the character in the reaworld, which is the alley. http://www.saykuus.com/bg.jpg
This is the mock up which is trying to marry the two style of the michael jackson and the charcoal feel. http://www.saykuus.com/Pstill.jpg
Also my chairmen of my department suggested that make it rain while he is walking down the alley in the last rain. With lightening and thundering. To really make it worse for this guy. Also i was talking to a friend of mine and wanted to know how yall fell about narration. but i dont want the type of narration that tells the story but one that tells what the character is thing like I think in the movie "taxi" with Robert Deniro. I love that type of narration.I will be upload so dancesteps that i recorded a friend doing with my character hitting key poses in the sequence this weekend. so be on the lookout for that and also updates on the animatic and 3danimatic. Thanks for yall time. talk to yall soon.